“It is no measure of health to be adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
~ J D Krishnamurti, Philiosopher ~
If you prefer to listen to this blog, click below for the audio. Or, just read on…
Why we coach the way we do
When we started the business in 1997, coaching was a simple linear tool to help people achieve goals and close the gap between potential and performance. Sounds good right?
In those days little or no attention was paid to the environment, culture, team, that a coachee was part of. It took a few years before the John Whitmore’s GROW model of coaching became popularised, perhaps the most known coaching model that breaks the process down into:
Goals
Reality
Options
Will
… to help coaches set realistic and achievable goals and keep clients on track. It was the beginnings of appreciating there was a system at play around the client because it explored the reality of the situation that a client found themself in. When we appreciate the system that exists around the individual we include the subtle knowing that we are all affected by our environment.
‘I am who I am because you are who you are,
and you are who you are because I am who I am’
This is the idea founded by the Ubuntu tradition. A concept meaning “I am because you are.” It embraces the idea that humans cannot exist in isolation. We depend on connection, community, and caring. Simply, we cannot be without each other, and we cannot not affect each other. This philosophy requires a conscious shift in how we think about ourselves and others, especially at a time when our world is more volatile and divided than ever
The self-help movement
By 2019 self-help had exploded in the UK as we searched for the answers to the uncertain times we are living in. By 2019 according to Nielsen, 3 million books were sold under the section ‘self-help’ that was a 20% increase on the previous year. There have been many critiques of the self-help movement. Several of which coalesce on the criticism that self-help popularises an idea that we, as human beings, need to be a perpetual self-improvement project (anyone tired of that), and self-help became another thing we ‘should’ be doing.
Authors like Ehrenreich and Salerno of How the Self-Help Movement made America helpless amplified the fact that by always reaching ‘out there’ for help we forget our own ‘in here’ resources.
Self-help was seen as contributing to the trajectory of leadership frameworks where we have shifted from the solo white male leader who leads us out of crisis; to the individualistic era of ‘if it’s meant to be its up to me’ (but let me also gather all my self help gurus around me); to (hopefully) a more interconnected and citizen era of collaboration and care for each other, the Ubuntu way.
BTW did you see the very good article on this via the BBC here.
A new story of Coaching
If we need a new story of self and society then we also need a new story of Coaching to meet this shift.
This is where I come back to the original quote in this article. Many years ago when I was engaged in a lot of keynotes I used the well-worn analogy of the boat. That, as coaches, if our job is to be in the boat travelling down the river; saving those that have fallen into the river, plucking them out, giving them some help / coaching / respite, then putting them back in the same river to swim again; then we are indeed just helping them to ‘tolerate the river a little better’.
Nowadays, as Executive Coaches we need to be teaching people to swim upstream far more, to get to the top of the river and ask ‘Why are there so many people falling into the river? And, importantly what can we all do about it?’.
If you know us well, you’ll know that 15 years ago we made this pivot in our work. We employed a journalist to interview our clients, we asked questions like:
‘What do you need from your coaching?’
‘What would be most helpful?’
The Depth Coaching Model
The answers were illuminating and changed the way we coach. we chose to focus our work on the things that our clients told us where most helpful:
- Appreciate that not all working parents are the same: I dont want a cookie cutter approach; listen deeply to me to understand me and the environment, in and outside of work, that sustains and/or depletes me (work systemically)
- Help me understand how I do me, help me challenge myself so I can change my leadership forever in new and positive ways (psychological depth)
- Show me whats important for me as a parent, share with me your therapeutic understanding of how our children thrive and what that means for me as a working parent (attachment and trauma informed coaching)
- Continue to generously share models and insights and resources with me in between sessions, stay in touch with me, hold me accountable, help me to continue moving forward (psycho education & resource supported coaching)
- Help me to slow down, to widen the lens, find meaning and purpose (reflective practice)
- Acting as a strong, wise thinking partner (experienced coaches)
Our Depth Coaching model was born, it sits on the powerful junction of ‘executive leadership coaching, reflective practice and psychotherapeutic depth’. It’s an interconnected, deeply relational, positive and powerful way to coach.
We don’t want our clients to just learn productivity hacks so they can squeeze more into their day (sick society) and get into that same river to continue swimming in the same direction.
We support them to disorganise ways of being that no longer serve them and find their new shape of leadership and parenting that will serve them, their organisations and their families. That takes courage and conviction. We help our clients ‘swim upstream’ and, one human being at a time, create awareness and action that takes us all towards a more family friendly, human workplace.
If you’d like to support the people in your teams and help teach them how to ‘swim upstream’, please get in touch.
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