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Reaction versus Response
Reaction versus Response: which are you better known for?
It’s a great question to reflect on.
Do I spend my days more often in reactivity, think – speedy, auto responses; versus responsiveness, think – slowing down, considered responses.
Working parents often feel under pressure and are therefore required to make decisions and act fast all day every day. Not just in the workplace, but also in their lives as parents and partners. The trouble is that acting fast means we mostly fall into reacting (not always a bad thing) though reaction by definition is ‘thought-less’.
Part of our work as Executive Coaches is to bring greater awareness to our clients habitual reactions and take a look at them anew, deciding and agreeing on which are ‘out of date’ and which feel helpful or redundant.
When we are given the space to look at these patterns its incredible what can emerge; we have many versions of Self and many adaptations that we have shaped and that have taken hold over the years of our life.
The ways we have had to build these other internal selves are brilliant in and of themselves; they are mostly survival shapes, a way of remaining safe and protected in the world. You may recognise some of the common adaptations in yourself, The Pleaser, The Perfectionist, The Strong, to name but a few. Finding and naming them is often a huge relief to clients, understanding why they formed in the first place and how they can often take over and ‘run the show’ when we are under pressure.
The really transformative work starts to happen however when we can come into more meaningful relationship with these different parts of ourselves, resist exiling them or overusing them, but make use of them, by bringing them up to date with where you are now in your life.
It is skilled, tender, and important work that allows us to create more space between our reactions and our responses and moves us towards who are most want to become – that’s shorthand for living more of ourselves by the way!
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